“Jesus,” she said. “A little impatient, aren’t you? Let me finish this and we’ll walk back over to my place.” She placed her hand on his thigh and gave him a squeeze. “Then I’ll fuck your brains out.”
“Not impatient, babe. I just want to make sure you’re still conscious. And my birthday isn’t over yet and you promised me two hours ago,” he said.
She raised the glass to her lips and lifted it high so it would all pour in her mouth. Amanda placed her hand on his knee. “All right, baby,” she said. “I don’t know if I like you sober. You’re way too agro.” She stuck her tongue out at him then smiled.
He held her hand and pulled her off the barstool. He thought, What the fuck am I doing? The two of them had been sex buddies for years. But most of that time was when he was still drinking. Now he had quit, but she was still at it. He wondered how much danger he was in. Joseph wanted to send Anne another text. But they had already sent twenty of them back and forth throughout the day. That situation was getting dangerous too. All it did was make him want to make mistakes. Amanda represented many things to him about himself, many of which he didn’t like. But she was an evil he was familiar with.
They stumbled back to her apartment and Joseph helped her up the stairs. It brought back memories for him. They often played shows together and then drink until late at night and take a cab back to his place and screw until the morning. Then they would meet each other the next day at practice and pretend nothing had happened.
But then he sobered up and their relationship didn’t seem so simple anymore.
He picked her up and threw her on the bed. Joseph peeled off her clothes. He undid his pants and let them fall to his ankles and entered her. His mind kept going back to Anne and how she told him how much she wanted him but couldn’t leave Ben. He knew she would always go back to him. He was merely a fantasy to her. But this was real.
“Hold up a minute, Stud,” she said.
“What’s the problem?”
“You’re fucking me way too hard. Give me a minute or two to get warmed up for fuck’s sake. My pussy’s not ready yet,” she said.
Joseph lowered his head and buried his face in her genitals. He imagined what Anne would taste like. After a few minutes he got up and entered her again. She started to say something, but he kissed her then bit her neck until she was quiet.
Happy birthday to me, he thought.
He woke early the next morning and made coffee. Joseph knew Amanda would sleep most of the day away. He lit a cigarette and enjoyed the quiet of her apartment. When the coffee was done, he poured himself a cup and then opened the bottle of Bailey’s sitting next to the coffee pot and poured some in his mug.
It wasn’t until he raised the cup to his face and smelled the liquor that he realized what he had done. What the fuck am I doing? I don’t even want this, he thought.
He dumped it out and noticed his shaking hands. Joseph reached for his cigarettes and nervously lit one. What the fuck? I wasn’t even thinking. I nearly threw everything away. I didn’t even want a drink. I nearly destroyed my life just out of habit.
Joseph checked his phone. There was a text from Anne. Nothing revealing. Just a smiley face.
He dialed her number. She did not pick up. He decided to leave her a message. “I need help,” he said.