I try to usually not write about something when I'm in the middle of it, but here we are. There have been a lot of fears in my life and I would like to go into them, but I'm not quite ready yet.
This is not my first go around with fear. In my last days of drinking, fear was as much a part of my life as breathing. For many years, I had been on the verge of losing everything because of my use, but somehow managed to stay untouched. But I knew it was coming. No one could drink and behave the way I did for as long as I did without consequences. Then it was the fear of the other shoe dropping.
Now my fears are different. It seems that the more I have gained through my sobriety the more there is to lose. Recently I've lost a lot and I've had the chance to feel it all. It reminds me why I drank.
In early recovery I was taught to write down my fears and share them with people and then pray to have them removed. My Buddhist faith tells me that it is important to feel my feelings fully and not try to hide from them. I honestly don't know what to do. But that's not anything new.
Anyway, the link above will direct you to Raymond Carver's extremely fine poem, "Fear." I hope you read it and hope you enjoy it and hope that everyone stays safe and free from danger.